A few weeks ago I had an epiphany after having a discussion with my girlfriends, I realized maybe what I’ve been liking and considering good for me was actually the complete opposite. Maybe for the moment or just maybe period. I was engaging and pursuing things that I’d thought appreciated my time and instead of recognizing that I may just be too invested because I was actually wholeheartedly interested. I just kept forcing something that wasn’t going to be. Why is it so hard to be good to yourself even when you THOUGHT you were lmao! I’m drinking more water, taking vitamins, working out, reading the Lord’s word, setting & completing goals, letting people over on the road, and keeping up with my self care routine! Like I didn’t see any wrong until I re-evaluated common actions of my past that I was accepting as if it was acceptable.
No I wasn’t being mistreated physically but the mental games were enough. I don’t understand why people fail or find it so hard to communicate what they feel. I like you, I want more from you, I’m not interested, I’d prefer we keep things where they are, let’s start a future, etc etc! Life wouldn’t be as complicated if a great majority of people were bold enough to state their feelings. Or at least attempt to express them. For instance, I’ve allowed someone I’m highly interested in to not really express their interest for me the way I desired. After expressing how I felt like he was uninterested due to the lack of communication… nothing changed. The problem that occurred was me just simply accepting it. After having a talk about what I was feeling if he was slightly interested in pursuing more he would have responded to my request with some effort of action. It’s okay to be busy but not too busy for me (someone you find interest in). If you start reading a good book you will be more intrigued to read it since it’s caught your interest. No I’m not being extra or too much, it’s just normal to pursue what you’re genuinely interested in.This situation cleared up my blindness towards the connection and its future. I was consciously unaware of it until I evaluated it for what it was.
Nonetheless, recently I’ve decided to try harder on rerouting and strengthening my decision making skills which is a freaking struggle. Because you just naturally like what you like..! So it’s just natural to want to spend time and get to know someone that you’re interested in. If I spend time with you and I enjoy it, then I will want to spend time with you again and again. I’m basic! When it comes to satisfying my needs.. Just give me consist doses of you & I’ll be fine! Instead of devoting a great proportion of my free time to what I “want”, I’m going to tune in a little deeper to hear my “needs”. You always start out with options then you just naturally migrate to the person you’re more interested in. While navigating through my options I have to make a conscious attempt to not cancel out the red flags because of my desire of my wants outshining the desire of my needs.
Next week I’ll share what I’ve started doing to help me better maintain the quality of being good ! Over the next week evaluate ways you might be unconscious to certain things you’re subjecting yourself too,